i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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