i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
