I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
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