Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
