She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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