i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
