Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
