peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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