he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
