he referred to my room as the tit cave...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
