you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
