And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
