He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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