On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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