meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I cannot find my penis.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
