first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
