i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I love having hate sex.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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