Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
