I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
