Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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