she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
