You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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