Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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