She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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