I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
