you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize