He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
