NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
