Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
