You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize