He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Randomize
