Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
