Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
