i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
