These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
