we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
My balls are so social today.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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