in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
