This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
