I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
