2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
