I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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