If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Randomize
