Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
