I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
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