you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
