just come out here and I will go home with you...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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