So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
