sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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