If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
