I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
