Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
