i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize