i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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