Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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