i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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