Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
