People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
