I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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