opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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