are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
