how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
