Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
