I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
