Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Randomize
