Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
