I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
