we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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