oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
