Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
