u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize