"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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