no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
